TO: [unidentified]
SUBJECT: Thanks for Global Warming
FROM: Canada

You know canada. Its fuckin crazy up here! The weed, the gays, the -erm- parlaimentary democracy. But most of all is the fucking weather. After 14 years i can not fuckin take six months of freezing my fucking ass off. The reality is most canadians wanna move down south, but you need a passport now so everyone's all like 'well fuck that'. Even now in Edmonton, Alberta there's already frost on the ground & the temperature has been slowly declining into the negatives. And celsius is colder than farenheight.

That sorta brings me to my main point. Global fuckin warming. An 'inconvenient' "truth". Notice the quotations. For any of you who made the mistake of watching Al Gore's film, you know what i'm talking about. Remember when he showed the peaks of C02 before the ice ages compared to the high levels of C02 now. He failed to show you the perfectly even time frame from the last ice age to now. Meaning... WE'RE ALREADY DUE FOR A NEW FUCKING ICE AGE YOU DUMBASSES! If anything global warming is preventing the ice age right now, not causing it.

What i'm trying to say here is that the more days without snow we get up here, the better. And its all thanks to global warming. Thank you oil industry. Thank you rotting corpses. Thank you car emissions. Thank you non-hybrid car companies. Thank you for global warming, and the few extra days of warmth Canada can look foreward too thanks to it. When people see a glacier in Antarctica fall into the water or a polar bear swimming 60 kilometers just to end up dying anyways they see change. People are EXTREMELY AFRAID OF CHANGE. But dont worry. The greenhouse gases will keep the world safe for YOUR lifetime.

Put down your signs. Climb down from that tree. Rejoin society.

-Swan